as i am writing this, i am hurting so darn much. i have tears in my eyes, and i feel like my heart is shrinking - or bursting, i don't really know. i have realized that soon it is time for us to leave finland, and go back to our home, which is in utah right now. the thing is, that i have never felt this much at home in finland, and it hurts me so much thinking that soon we will have to say goodbye to my parents, to our little nephew, to all our friends, and everything that we are leaving behind here. it hurts me so much thinking that we won't be here when aaro says his first words. that we are so far away.
now, don't get me wrong, i am so very happy in utah. i love our routines, i love going to byu (with the bottom of my heart) - i love having our own little place that we call home. and i will always know that wherever my sweetheart is, home will be there as well.
but sometimes this just sucks so much. going through the process of saying goodbyes and see you laters over and over again, and leaving it all behind. i have never loved and appreciated these people and this country as much as i do now, i guess that's what it does when you go away for a little while. you start appreciating even the teeny weeny things that you didn't even notice before you left. and may i say, i kind of wish it wouldn't be that way. and now that i am listing my hopes and wishes, let's just say that i hope that someone will create a teleport machine soon that would preferrably be free and get us to finland in a second. so, all you future einsteins, please do your best to create one of those! i would be really, really, REALLY grateful! thank you!
leaving is hard. and against all odds, it gets harder every single time you do it. you don't get used to it. and i am kind of happy about that. it's not supposed to be easy. but right at this moment, i wish it was.